Moving from We to Me: Tips for Restarting After Divorce
Restarting after a divorce is daunting. I know because I’ve been there. Divorce was never something that I had envisioned for my own future. In fact, I had been fairly on-track with every vision for my future up until that point. Suddenly, unexpectedly, I found that all the plans I had made did not apply any longer. I felt directionless.
I recently met with Meghan Remington, Certified Divorce Coach® and Founder of Thriving Ahead Divorce Coaching, to learn more about her coaching process. Our conversation helped me reflect on my own divorce over four years ago. We discussed these important steps in restarting after divorce:
1. Take it slow
It’s common to want everything to fall into place immediately after divorce. Meghan emphasizes that, just as your life before divorce took time to build, so too will your reconstructed future. This reminds me of my favorite quote that helped me through my divorce by prompting me to trust in the slow work of time:
“We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay. We should like to skip the intermediate stages. We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new. And yet it is the law of all progress that it is made by passing through some stages of instability and that it may take a very long time. And so I think it is with you. Your ideas mature gradually – let them grow, let them shape themselves, without undue haste. Don’t try to force them on, as though you could be today what time … will make of you tomorrow.”
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, S.J. (1881-1955)
2. Break it down
Meghan pointed out that it’s helpful to break down ‘big’ goals into smaller, more actionable steps. These goals can extend to finding your dream home, attaining your financial targets, and entering future relationships. This is where journaling can help! Meghan recommends mapping out the step-by-step processes required to achieve each vision. Be sure to keep your goals separate and focus on one part of your life at a time.
3. Consider hiring a Divorce Coach
There’s no better advocate than a Divorce Coach during and after a divorce. Coaches can help you sort through those inevitably difficult emotions. They can also help you develop a future vision and map out actionable steps to achieve it. Meghan pointed out that, “as you work through each step of your goals, your coach will be there to encourage you, hold you accountable and even challenge you when needed, and to celebrate your successes along the way.”
Get organized
Oftentimes people are left with a tangled mess of financial accounts after divorce. A CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™, like those at Commas, can help you sort through your financial accounts and teach you about their purpose in achieving the life goals that you’ve set. Additionally, a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ can help you develop a funding plan that puts you on track for accomplishing your future vision.
My favorite piece of advice from Meghan is that the time following a divorce “is the time to bravely commit yourself to the life you want live. Divorce is only one chapter of your life. You get to choose how you want the story to end.”
No matter what you’re going through, advocates like Meghan Remington and Commas are here to guide your journey.
Certified Financial Planner Board of Standards, Inc. (CFP Board) owns the certification marks CFP® and CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ in the United States, which it authorizes use of by individuals who successfully complete CFP Board’s initial and ongoing certification requirements.
Commas is a wholly-owned subsidiary of Truepoint Inc., a fee-only Registered Investment Adviser (RIA). Registration as an adviser does not connote a specific level of skill or training. More detail, including forms ADV Part 2A and Form CRS filed with the SEC, can be found at www.usecommas.com. Neither the information, nor any opinion expressed, is to be construed as personalized investment, tax or legal advice.